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Post by kickinpretty on Apr 18, 2005 13:49:22 GMT 1
Are they all selfish, hard nosed barstewards? Or is that just my ex-wife?
Something needs to be done in this country to even things out concerning children and divorced parents, the bias towards women is appalling in a democratic society, they can dictate terms and do what suits them with no recourse for fathers, its pathetic and its time this country put its house in order.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2005 13:52:33 GMT 1
I totally agree with those comments about Men not having equal rights over children.
Why should the male parent be refused less chance to see his children? It's ridiculous
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Post by Mr T on Apr 18, 2005 13:57:40 GMT 1
yeh totally agree
its a completely ridiculous situation and something should be done about it
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Post by john on Apr 18, 2005 13:58:36 GMT 1
Maybe its just your ex wife, you cant tar them all with the same brush thats unfair. I have an extremely happy marriage and I would'nt change her for the world.
The laws regarding childrens custody is a farce, that really needs sorting out though
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Post by Bilbo on Apr 18, 2005 13:58:55 GMT 1
Its funny how the law states that all belongings in a broken marriage should be split 50/50. Surely children should be classed as a belonging and custody should be shared equally. I know that sound a bit harsh to class a child as a belonging, but how would you describe it...... They don't belong to anyone else!!! Logistically I know it would be very hard to share a child 50/50, but the law is an ass on how they deal with current custody organisation
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Post by ThrobsBlackHat on Apr 18, 2005 14:03:21 GMT 1
There are a variety of causes
here's a couple that srping to mind:
1) Guilt and weakness by male civil servants - trying to rewrite history and somehow make up for the subjugation of women in previous generations
2) high proportion of female social workers
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Post by guest on Apr 18, 2005 14:04:14 GMT 1
Are they all selfish, hard nosed barstewards? Or is that just my ex-wife? Something needs to be done in this country to even things out concerning children and divorced parents, the bias towards women is appalling in a democratic society, they can dictate terms and do what suits them with no recourse for fathers, its pathetic and its time this country put its house in order. I take it your plan to prevent your ex from seeing the kid failed ?
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Post by kickinpretty on Apr 18, 2005 14:12:22 GMT 1
50/50 Is quite easy as long as you have two willing parents, currently i see my kids as much as the ex, and i also have them when shes supposed to be having them on regular basis so i infact see them alot more than 50/50, we operate on a rota as below and it has worked great.
Mon Tues - Me Wed,Thur - Her Fri, Sat, Sun - Me with the following week reversed...
Mon Tues - Her Wed, Thur - Me Fri, Sat, Sun - Her
The kids are really happy and so am i, now shes applying for jobs Birmingham way and saying shes going to live there and take the kids with her, no thought for what the kids want, or how it effects my contact with them, i will be lucky to see them for a few days a month if she goes and theres jack i can do about it.
Family Law in this country is outdated and needs tro change, were not living in the 1920's anymore where women stayed at home and did as theywere told and men were the bread winners, fathers today are mothers too and should be treated equally, if labour are so child freindly why havn't they sorted this inequality out?
Basically a mother can do what she wants, when she wants and us fathers have to accept the consequences, its really p**sed me off to the max!
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Post by kickinpretty on Apr 18, 2005 14:18:18 GMT 1
Guest - I believe in equality, theres no way i would want my children growing up not having full contact with the other parent, its there right to have a father AND a mother, but the law doesnt see it like that.
Its KIDS by the way, theres Two!
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Post by pawlo on Apr 18, 2005 14:51:55 GMT 1
I was quite lucky with my divorce and got joint custody of my kids, and as i was a student for 7 years i didnt get fleeced by the CSA, although they did try bless em.
I find the whole issue of women in society bewildering. For years, every effort has been made to allow women, quite rightly, the same rights as men, right up to the point of positive discrimination. Women are encouraged and steps taken to recruit women into every job going, from fire fighters, to MPs, and yet professions that are predominantly all women, such as nursing, dont afford the same rights to men.
In all seriousness, i have been on many occassions, subject to the kind of sexual harrassment that if it where carried out on a woman in say, a factory, would result in a multi thousand pound compensation claim.
The CSA are a joke, and are only interested in getting money of fathers. Another great Tory idea along with the poll tax. If they where truely interested in child welfare they would ensure that not only did the fathers contribute towards the up bringing of their children, but also the mothers contributed to. Hands up who no single parents who could work and earn a living, but choose to sit around all day whilst the kids are at school? Thats not fair. The father pays, the rest of the money is paid by the state. Mum gets paid to sit around watching day time tv.
The CSA would have had a far easier job if they had put as much effort into ensuring fair and equal access for the father, as they did into bankrupting him.
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Post by Ratcliffesghost on Apr 18, 2005 15:01:08 GMT 1
The Batman outfit is still available after Rochdale if you really want to fire up about it Kickin
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Post by kickinpretty on Apr 18, 2005 15:03:37 GMT 1
lol ghosty, first smile of the day
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Post by skinner on Apr 18, 2005 16:47:43 GMT 1
Are they all selfish, hard nosed barstewards? Or is that just my ex-wife? Something needs to be done in this country to even things out concerning children and divorced parents, the bias towards women is appalling in a democratic society, they can dictate terms and do what suits them with no recourse for fathers, its pathetic and its time this country put its house in order. Couldn't agree more,I've recently split with my Missus though thankfully ther are no kids involved and we were not married.She left me because she tought life would be "so much better with HER COUSIN WHO IS 15 YEARS HER SENIOR" and it appears she has had a whale of a time over the past 3 months but now that she is skint she is trying to take me for half the house even though it was mine before we even met.I thought I would be o.k as the mortgage is solely in my name but no I've had a solicitors letter on her behalf stating she is in fact entitled to half the house as we were together for 4 and 1/2 years.It only arrived this morning so I've had chance to do anything about it yet,but has anyone else been in this situation?Does anybody know how I stand before I speak to a solicitor tomorrow?
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2005 16:50:40 GMT 1
I've never understood this "If you get divorced, possessions are split 50-50" ruling, hardly seems fair
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Post by meoleshrew2 on Apr 18, 2005 16:51:17 GMT 1
skinner your in for a hard battle, common law wife laws, I presume you had no agreement? Oh yea nasty take it all woman replying
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Post by skinner on Apr 18, 2005 17:08:51 GMT 1
skinner your in for a hard battle, common law wife laws, I presume you had no agreement? Oh yea nasty take it all woman replying No I had no agreement,was one of those things you never get round too. .Should have listened to the countless people who warned me to get an agreement written up.
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Post by meoleshrew2 on Apr 18, 2005 17:16:32 GMT 1
see PM not that much help though
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Post by kickinpretty on Apr 18, 2005 17:26:37 GMT 1
Surely she cant take half your house, if its in your name? Thats scandalous, if she has contributed to the mortgage then i suppose she's due something but half the house .....
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Post by rob on Apr 18, 2005 17:28:09 GMT 1
Women are however under represented in the HoC and HoL as well as the civil service.
Who generally does most of the domestic chores, looks after the kids and some feminists would argue gives birth to the children.
for example. OF women in full time jobs, 52% do the shopping, 61% prepare the evening meal 61% do the cleaning 81& do the washing and ironing.
The figures are even greater when the women surveyed work part time. Source Guardian.
there is also a problem in society with single mothers being abandaned by their partners/boyfriends.
And also quite horrifying statistics on domestic abuse towards women.
Whilst I agree that a women shouldn't neccesarily be given control over the kids, I can see why the system is weighted in their favour, even though it is unfair
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Post by kickinpretty on Apr 18, 2005 17:39:54 GMT 1
Thats utter rubbish H_M_A, the system should not be weighted in favour of anyone just because they do the ironing.
A father that has his kids has to be both a mother and father and any inference that men simply cant cope is sexist and also a little patronising.
Fathers deserve to be given the same rights as a mother and there's absolutly no reason that this should not be so.
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Post by ThrobsBlackHat on Apr 18, 2005 18:28:26 GMT 1
they may do the ironing, cleaning and cooking but who mows the lawn and sorts out the car insurance?
It is all a bit nuts really, positive discrimination is one of the silliest things ever, talk about ironic
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Post by meoleshrew2 on Apr 18, 2005 18:59:53 GMT 1
As men you I doubt you can see how society used to see you, note I said used..... Men go to work earn the money, women have the easy? life and stay at home and look after the kids, men go to the pub several times a week, woman look after the kids. Its changing, but not enough to force the powers that be that men in all cases could have full care of thier kids, I know there is more to it than that and what i've put is very basic, but its still going to take time for the powers that be to accept and put into law that men should have equal care of thier kids, its wrong. I have a cousin who has gone through hell, and I do mean hell to get to see his four kids. Another my godson who has had the same nightmare seeing his two, they both now see thier kids, one not as often as he would like, but is getting there, the other they are mostly with him now. Both succeded because they proved that they had a really good backup.
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Post by grinfish on Apr 18, 2005 19:26:34 GMT 1
Surely she cant take half your house, if its in your name? Thats scandalous, if she has contributed to the mortgage then i suppose she's due something but half the house ..... My divorce is on the verge of completion, and yes, she is entitled to half of it, though there may be room for maneouvre if she didn't financially contribute to your relationship (I find this highly unlikely!). Best option is try and cut a deal for less. This is nigh on impossible through solicitors, talk to her directly if she's ok with that, but make sure you don't get arsey. I managed to get the ex to settle for 10k, on a house we bought for 30k whilst both working. An identical house 2 doors down is now on the market for 100k. We both told our lawyers that we had reached an agreement, but even so, her lawyer ignored this until she put it in writing, and sent a copy to me. The barsteward was as bent as a 9-bob note, and until there was written proof, he basically ignored her request. I even ended up writing the letter for her to sign! 3 months delay was incurred due to this, simply because she didn't phone me and tell me what was going on, as her solicitor was keeping us all in the dark. Be prepared to lose AT LEAST half the house, more if she is unable to work to earn her own living (it can be claimed she has suffered hardship due to the breakup, and in theory, she could claim a maintenance payment!) All I can say is good luck, it's been hell for me, and I look forward to getting 100% control of my life and home back (not least so I can sell the fecker to pay off the debts run up by our marriage!)
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Post by Impromptushrew on Apr 18, 2005 19:39:04 GMT 1
I know Im a woman BOO HISS But I dont think that she will be allowed to claim 50/50 if you are not married it was on the telly today about it. But I bet she will have a damn good go trying. Personally I cant understand why some women want to stop there partner from seeing their children you see so many children these days that are scr@wed in the head from not seeing both parents why make more problems surely its hard enough to understand why mummy and daddy dont get on and live together anymore. Oh yes and PLEASE do tar us all with the same brush
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Post by rob on Apr 18, 2005 19:49:32 GMT 1
I never said I agreed with the way the current system worked. Of course fathers can cope, after all 11% of single parent families in the east midlands are fathers.
And actually the survey found that women did a third of the diy work such a lawn mowing etc on top of the unpaid work they did. does it not make sense that if, before a marriage breaks up, the woman takes care of the house and kids full or part time basis, potentially holding down a job as well, that they will viewed as being best equipped out of the two parents to care for and provide finanicially for the kids on the evnt of the marriage coming to an end?
Although this doesnt make any excuses for mothers who deny the fathers access to their children on a regular basis
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2005 21:08:14 GMT 1
Agree with what has been said above. The male, provided he is proven to be a fit parent, should be entitled to equal rights of the child.
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Post by meoleshrew2 on Apr 18, 2005 21:11:22 GMT 1
Agree with what has been said above. The male, provided he is proven to be a fit parent, should be entitled to equal rights of the child. And that is where the problem lies, who is qualified to say if the father is the fit parent or not? then sadly and how much is that answer going to cost, & who is going to pay that cost?
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Post by pawlo on Apr 18, 2005 21:17:00 GMT 1
And that is where the problem lies, who is qualified to say if the father is the fit parent or not? ? Same people who say the mother is.
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Post by meoleshrew2 on Apr 18, 2005 21:32:46 GMT 1
Same people who say the mother is. They won't until the cost is met
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Post by kickinpretty on Apr 18, 2005 21:35:42 GMT 1
Both parents should be seen in law as having equal rights untill such time as it is proved otherwise, this could be established by talking to the child/ children, talking to social workers and talking to the parents.
It should not be the case that a father is seen as a second class citizen from the outset.
Fathers who do not have custody or joint custody are not legally entitled to see their own childs school reports or make a decision regarding medical care, unless permission is granted by the mother or make other decisions which a father would normally take for granted.
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